Married to an introvert? 8 Tips to Thrive With Your Partner

Are you married to an introvert? If you’re also an introvert, this may not be as challenging. You both can enjoy quiet time alone and appreciate the need to recharge. On the flip side, if you’re an extrovert, you may feel lost with your introverted partner.

Man with arm around woman drinking wine

What’s it like to be married to introvert?

How often have you heard opposites attract? You’re extroverted, and your husband is introverted. I believe we attract people who compliment us. Your introverted husband is balancing your extroverted self, two puzzle pieces that fit together. If you were both the same piece, then you may not work well together.

The partner of an introvert is so fortunate because deep interpersonal relationships are where introverts thrive. While loners don’t care to charm the world or have an enormous group of friends, they love showing up fully for a few close friends. They are also highly invested in romantic relationships.

You also get a front-row seat to the humor and ideas of your introverted spouse. Quiet people aren’t also like they are portrayed in the media. Instead, they are people who value the quality of relationships over the number of connections.

Being married to an introvert can help an extrovert slow down and absorb the tiny details that make life so beautiful.

8 Tips For Thriving With Your Introvert

1. Understand that one person cannot fill all your needs

We are sold on the idea that our soul mate will be the one who fills all our needs. But realistically, this doesn’t work. While your spouse should complement you in your relationship, it is too much pressure for either of you to fill each other’s needs completely.

That is why it is good to have friends that share a love for things that your spouse isn’t so crazy about. If you love playing games and cards, but your spouse doesn’t care for it, find a friend or group of friends to play games with.

Once we accept our spouse doesn’t have to love everything we do, we can release any resentment and develop deep friendships with people who love the same activities.

2. Be considerate of your partner’s social battery

Introverts get drained by social interaction, where extroverts get drained by spending too much time alone. If your spouse has been dealing with lots of social interactions at work all week, you might suggest a movie marathon together instead of throwing a dinner party. In addition, you could give him a few hours of alone time at home to recharge.

When your introverted husband or wife gets home from work, a little quiet transition time will make for a much better evening for both of you.

3. Develop friendships that help fill your social needs

If you are an extroverted person married to an introvert, it can feel like a constant tug of war of who’s internal battery gets charged. Often, the introverted spouse needs quiet time and space to recharge, while the extroverted spouse needs social interaction to recharge.

My big advice for the socializer is to diversify where you get your social recharge. Having friends to hang out with allows you to recharge your battery while your introverted spouse gets some alone time. When you get back home, you are both ready to spend time together to reconnect your relationship.

4. Develop a set of close friends together

Introverts love to have a small group of close friends. If you have a combined interest or two and can develop a few close friends around that integrate interest, you will see your introverted husband thrive. These close, deep friendships are exactly what introverts love.

5. Avoid small talk

Small talk can feel deadly to someone who is an introvert. If you can avoid small conversations with your partner, you have already improved their experience. If you typically ask, “Hey, how was your day?” instead, try asking about a specific part of their day that you know about. For example, “How did your meeting with your difficult client go?”.

Remember, deep connection and interaction are something that introverts value. So if you can direct your questions and conversations into deep thoughts or specific instances, you will have a much better conversation, and better conversations lead to stronger relationships.

6. Give your introvert time to talk

Most loners choose their words carefully and may take more time to add to your conversation or answer your question thoughtfully.

Most extroverted people ask and answer things quickly while many introverts like taking the time to plan the perfect question or answer. Try counting 3 to 5 seconds in your mind before continuing your story. It doesn’t sound like long, but it takes the time to count 5 seconds out right now. Is it longer than you thought it was, huh? Especially in a conversation.

7. Don’t assume your introvert knows when you want their input

A primary argument I often hear from extroverted/introverted relationships is, “He/she never tells me what they think about things.” If you are telling a story or asking for advice from your introvert, make sure that they know you want input. Suppose you have already left the 5 seconds for them to add something to the conversation, but they haven’t. Ask a direct question. Make sure your question is directed to them instead of something that sounds more rhetorical.

You can do that by asking things like, “What do you think about that?” “How would you handle it?” “Do you have any advice for me?” Be clear with your spouse about your communication. You can start a conversation expecting there should be more back and forth with “I want to talk to you, can you give me some ideas and your thoughts on it. I would love a conversation about this right now.”

8. Accept your spouse’s personality

Dealing with a reflective, quiet husband can feel frustrating if you are extroverted. But your partner isn’t introverted to annoy or frustrate you. It’s just the way he is wired, and that is okay.

Avoid trying to turn your man into an extrovert. All you will get is an angry, cranky, or depressed introvert whose internal battery is constantly drained. Accept your spouse for how their brain is and the way they like to socialize.

Understand that having a healthy relationship with someone does not mean he has to fulfill every need to be a good husband. Friends are a great way to fill those other needs. It is also the key to fighting the loneliness that can come from being an extroverted wife with an introverted husband.

Introverts need quiet, alone time to thrive. It does not mean he loves you any less or doesn’t want to be around you. It is simply how his brain works.

Positive qualities your introvert may have:

A deep sense of self-awareness. Being self-aware is a fantastic trait for looking at a life partner. Someone who is self-aware knows themselves, the good and the unpleasant aspects of their personality and thought processes. Because they are self-aware, they can better navigate situations and avoid conflict more often through good, fair communication.

The ability to reflect. A reflective partner will go back over disagreements and even good times to see what aspects added to that experience. So, an introverted partner who is reflective will think about how they attributed to an issue and will often think about improving their relationships and themselves.

Comfortable being alone. If you want to spend some time with friends or visit your family without your partner, an introverted partner won’t likely be upset. They are comfortable spending time alone and understand a couple doesn’t need to spend every moment together. On the other hand, an extroverted spouse may be needier of spending ample time together.

The ability to enjoy a quiet night in. Sometimes you want to go to the festival, the concert, the party, or out shopping, but other times you just want to cuddle up on the couch under a soft fluffy blanket and snuggle in for a Netflix marathon. When you are run down and need quiet cuddles, your introverted partner is going to shine. They won’t push you to get up and go to an event. They understand the value of quiet rest.

They prefer deep and intimate relationships. Introverts don’t typically have a large group of friends, but they prefer quality over quantity. Instead, they prefer profound relationships, including friends, family, and romantic partners. Deep conversations and emotionally investing in people they care about are at the top of the introvert’s ways to connect with others.

Introverts can make great partners, even when married to extroverted people. When you approach your relationship with an understanding that their brain is wired differently than an extrovert brain, you can find understanding and harmony.

Are you married to an introvert? Do you have tips for a happy relationship between introverts and extroverts? I would love to hear them.

About Mello Woman

Thanks so much for stopping by. I am passionate about all things wellness and positive growth. Hopefully, this post (and the others on Mello Woman) will help inspire you in a positive way.

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